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vassaladyThis is not news. This is SUPER not news, because I'm writing this in a fannish space for fannish people to read, and we really thrive on stories.
Anyway.
A few things to say about myself before I begin. One, I'm not good with words. If you have met me in person, you most certainly are aware of this, as I misuse words and misspeak regularly. Two, I have a LOT of angst about creating stories. Like, so much. Again, no surprise if you know me. Three, I really do like most every story I consume. Like, seriously, if it makes me feel something, anything, then I will like it. (Gosh, that sounds like I'm depressed or something! *laughs* ME? DEPRESSED? Uh, anyway.)
So. given spoilers!
given episode 9 is so perfect. Mafuyu's song about his dead ex boyfriend (who committed suicide) is so heartbreaking and magnificent. RITSUKA KISSSES MAFUYU!! And Something may have happened between Akihito and Haruki? ANYWAY. THERE WERE A LOT OF FEELINGS. There's so much about grief in it that's just so good (it being the show in general) and Mafuyu finally being able to cry, and seeing his friend after the show where both their eyes are red.... And just. I don't know. The overwhelming nature of loss. But also. The hope that comes from being able to continue on? I don't know.
Another suicide realted story is orange of course. orange which breaks my heart with every chapter. I'm currently rereading it, this is only the second time I've read it. Again. So good. So powerful.
I read the first volume of Ichigo Takano's newest work, Become You. Cried when Taiyou was talking about how he injured his hand. Fuck, The whole painting thing really hit hard in my writing angst feelings. In a good way and a bad way, too, because I don't really try that hard. Oh, number 4 you should know about me. I rarely finish anything I start. If I finish this, it'll be a goddamn miracle.
Happier note, I also watched some Hitorijime My Hero and ahhhhhhh it's such a delight. And Setagawa's desire to BELONG and the feelings he has for Kousuke.... And (okay, back on the sad note) how Setagawa's mom couldn't be there for him because of both her job and alcoholism.... She's trying, she loves him, but it's not good enough, and that's the harsh truth. Fuck I love her. I love imperfect women so much.
Speaking of imperfect women, there was the big sister of one of the main characters (the younger) in punch up, who brought home her boyfirends to live with them and had sex out on the couch even though her little brother was there too, but she wanted him to go to college and not be like her (not queer, not in sex work, not a mess of a person), and she kicked out the boyfriend of hers who fucked her (underage) brother, so angry at him (the boyfriend), and probably angry at herself too for letting it happen (not intentionally of course.)
I like stories a lot. And I don't know how to express just what they do to me. And a couple of these examples are pretty dark, even while occurring in comedic titles. I could give DARKER examples (holy HELL the Inheritance of Aroma has everything - incest, affairs, suicide...)
And I can give lighter examples. Honey Sweet for one, which is sugar and spice and everything nice. Anyway.
I don't know what I really want to say here (told you I was bad with words) but there's something special about stories. I don't know how I'd survive without them.
Sometimes I worry maybe I'm not living enough because I'm so obsessed with stories? I don't know. That might be another topic.
This is about how stories are pure magic.
But I have nothing profound to say. Do I need to? Do stories? Well, this is a personal journal so uh def not on that first, and for the second, well. Some would say yeah. I say nah.
Going back to become you, Taiyou tells his horrible teacher that his paintings matter because HE (Taiyou) made them, and they are special to him and WORTH it even if they are ugly and bad.
To me, most stories I encounter are special to me, even if they may not be the prettiest or the best? Maybe that's why I love everything?
I'm sad because I want to believe what Taiyou says for myself too because. well. Im' not a writer. I'm bad at it. So bad. So that's the only way I'll get through it you know? and actually write? but it's hard.
but anyway. stories. Stories stories stories. Whether they be just word or with image or with movement or sound... They are special. And so important to me.
I really like stories.
It's just kind of really frustrating I find it kind of hard to engage with them sometimes though partly because there are so many and partly because I DO kinda fear the emotional weight that comes with a story. But I live for that emotion. OH well.
I've always liked stories, and I imagine I always will.
Anyway.
A few things to say about myself before I begin. One, I'm not good with words. If you have met me in person, you most certainly are aware of this, as I misuse words and misspeak regularly. Two, I have a LOT of angst about creating stories. Like, so much. Again, no surprise if you know me. Three, I really do like most every story I consume. Like, seriously, if it makes me feel something, anything, then I will like it. (Gosh, that sounds like I'm depressed or something! *laughs* ME? DEPRESSED? Uh, anyway.)
So. given spoilers!
given episode 9 is so perfect. Mafuyu's song about his dead ex boyfriend (who committed suicide) is so heartbreaking and magnificent. RITSUKA KISSSES MAFUYU!! And Something may have happened between Akihito and Haruki? ANYWAY. THERE WERE A LOT OF FEELINGS. There's so much about grief in it that's just so good (it being the show in general) and Mafuyu finally being able to cry, and seeing his friend after the show where both their eyes are red.... And just. I don't know. The overwhelming nature of loss. But also. The hope that comes from being able to continue on? I don't know.
Another suicide realted story is orange of course. orange which breaks my heart with every chapter. I'm currently rereading it, this is only the second time I've read it. Again. So good. So powerful.
I read the first volume of Ichigo Takano's newest work, Become You. Cried when Taiyou was talking about how he injured his hand. Fuck, The whole painting thing really hit hard in my writing angst feelings. In a good way and a bad way, too, because I don't really try that hard. Oh, number 4 you should know about me. I rarely finish anything I start. If I finish this, it'll be a goddamn miracle.
Happier note, I also watched some Hitorijime My Hero and ahhhhhhh it's such a delight. And Setagawa's desire to BELONG and the feelings he has for Kousuke.... And (okay, back on the sad note) how Setagawa's mom couldn't be there for him because of both her job and alcoholism.... She's trying, she loves him, but it's not good enough, and that's the harsh truth. Fuck I love her. I love imperfect women so much.
Speaking of imperfect women, there was the big sister of one of the main characters (the younger) in punch up, who brought home her boyfirends to live with them and had sex out on the couch even though her little brother was there too, but she wanted him to go to college and not be like her (not queer, not in sex work, not a mess of a person), and she kicked out the boyfriend of hers who fucked her (underage) brother, so angry at him (the boyfriend), and probably angry at herself too for letting it happen (not intentionally of course.)
I like stories a lot. And I don't know how to express just what they do to me. And a couple of these examples are pretty dark, even while occurring in comedic titles. I could give DARKER examples (holy HELL the Inheritance of Aroma has everything - incest, affairs, suicide...)
And I can give lighter examples. Honey Sweet for one, which is sugar and spice and everything nice. Anyway.
I don't know what I really want to say here (told you I was bad with words) but there's something special about stories. I don't know how I'd survive without them.
Sometimes I worry maybe I'm not living enough because I'm so obsessed with stories? I don't know. That might be another topic.
This is about how stories are pure magic.
But I have nothing profound to say. Do I need to? Do stories? Well, this is a personal journal so uh def not on that first, and for the second, well. Some would say yeah. I say nah.
Going back to become you, Taiyou tells his horrible teacher that his paintings matter because HE (Taiyou) made them, and they are special to him and WORTH it even if they are ugly and bad.
To me, most stories I encounter are special to me, even if they may not be the prettiest or the best? Maybe that's why I love everything?
I'm sad because I want to believe what Taiyou says for myself too because. well. Im' not a writer. I'm bad at it. So bad. So that's the only way I'll get through it you know? and actually write? but it's hard.
but anyway. stories. Stories stories stories. Whether they be just word or with image or with movement or sound... They are special. And so important to me.
I really like stories.
It's just kind of really frustrating I find it kind of hard to engage with them sometimes though partly because there are so many and partly because I DO kinda fear the emotional weight that comes with a story. But I live for that emotion. OH well.
I've always liked stories, and I imagine I always will.
